Roller Coaster

The longer that Te stays away from pornography, the better I feel. The better I feel, the more nervous I get. The times I have caught him in the past have always followed fairly closely to me telling myself, "boy is life good, I am so happy".

I like the ride up. No relapses is a really nice thing, but unlike a real roller coaster, the ride down is not fun. I don't want to do it again. I guess I am just so used to the crashing down part, that it's hard to remember that life doesn't HAVE to come with that part.

Last night Te went to the support group for the first time in a month or so (because of traveling). He said it was good. I asked him if anybody missed him and he said no. There are so many people that come and go, that they don't really notice who is there and who is missing, which seems really sad. First, that there are so many people who go once and then stop going, and second that there are so many people there period, that people don't know each other better.

Te made some notes about viewing women as sex objects and how he still really struggles with that. It's hard to read about things like that, but I guess when you are exposed to pornography for so long, it gets ingrained. He said that his goal this week is to study topics like "divine nature", "individual worth", and others that were not in the young women theme, so I can't remember them off hand.

I think I mentioned his new lap top that he got for school. I am not familiar with how PC's work, but I was still able to find where to set the parental controls. (maybe I mentioned it already...) EDITED TO ADD: Well, the parental controls don't work. If he's using firefox, they don't block out anything (not that he tried any bad sites) and with Internet Explorer he can't open any website at all (because they are not rated or something).

Te also said that he signed a contract with the school, that they can check his computer (or anyone in the program's computer) and if there is anything questionable that could damage the computer he will get kicked out of his program. I guess that's a little extra motivation to not use that laptop for pornography.