17 Days and Counting...

I suppose it's good that I haven't had anything major to report in the last few days. Life goes on, and we deal with the problems we are faced with. They don't go away, but our feelings about them become less intense. The blessing of time.

Te met with our bishop last sunday and had a good talk with him.

In the past, when our children have been sick, Te has given them blessings. It has been a great comfort to me, so knowing that he couldn't do that if he needed to makes me a little sad. The sadness is overshadowed though, by a huge relief knowing that he won't be doing those things unworthily.

Sunday night he attended the support group. They have 12 steps that are based on the AA 12 steps. This week they were talking about seeking forgiveness from those you have hurt. Te came home and told me how much he loved me, and how grateful he was to have me in his life. He asked me to forgive him for hurting me. I want to. I told him that. One of the previous times going through this, he asked me to forgive him and I told him I did, then a week or so later I had this surge of anger towards him, which made me realize I hadn't really forgiven him. This time I want to do it right, so I am working on forgiving him. I don't feel angry at him at all anymore. I'm sad. I'm sad for him, because this is an awful thing to have to go through. I'm sad that he has made his life and his relationship with God less than it could have been, but I know he's working on that.

Yesterday I went into his work and entered a password for the Spector program. We are also going to set up a program to let me log into his work computer from home, so I can look at the Spector program without having to go into his office.

He's done a pretty good job of telling me everything lately, which really helps. He tells me when he has struggled, and what he did about it. I think that is a major step in repairing trust. In the past, I have to catch him in something and probe until he finally tells the complete truth, so having him tell me what is going on in his head without having to ask him for information makes me feel less worried about secrets he might be keeping.