Girls
Last night Te and I talked about watching the basketball game and the cheerleaders in it.
I admit it, it bothers me that he is turned on by other women. I don't like it. At all.
It's not just the cheerleaders with their less than covering outfits. It's women walking down the street in tank tops, or jogging in sports bras. I asked him if he thinks all men are turned on so easily. I thought he'd say yes, but he didn't.
I'm not sure if there really are men in the world who are not turned on by random scantily clad women. I would like to think there were, and I would really like to think my husband could be one of them. I'm wondering if he is being too hard on himself though.
Is it normal to be turned on so easily? Is it something that will fade with his addiction, or is it something that will be with him forever?
Little girls who idealize a happily ever after are in for a shock. There's no such thing, I knew that there wasn't really such a thing, but it still came as a shock that my happily ever after was going to include seemingly endless battle scenes.
I constantly have to remind myself that things are rarely as they appear. I'm sure to many of my neighbors, Te and I have it all. He has a good job, I can stay home with our beautiful, healthy children. We love each other and from the outside, it looks like our lives are great. And they are, mostly.
Everyone has things they have to struggle with. It's the nature of life, to struggle and learn and grow.
And today is another day.
posted by Alice @ 8:36 AM
6 Comments:
I came over to read your posts from Taco Dave's Blog. (He and I are old college friends) Any way 2 things to say.
Have hope, there are those of us who have given our bodies to the Lord, and though we struggle like all men... have gotten victory in these things.
#2 - Goto SpectorSoft and get their program SpectorPro. It has the ability to send a text message to your cell phone if it detects key words from Porn sites. It is well worth the money. I do not work for these people. I just believe EVERY HOME needs their product.
God Bless!
I will tell you, Soph, that truly all men have those little trigger switches. I will say that it is unfair in this day an age to be an honest man because we have so much temptation hurled at us. It is only by my deep faith in Jesus Christ that I have been freed. He helped me see everything I have in my wife. Now, it is foolish to think that I ever felt the desire to dabble in porn. My union with my wife provides immesurably more physical pleasure than a hand and a magazine or computer image ever could. That doesn't mean I don't have my days of struggling. That doesn't mean I don't find other women attractive. It just means I have much to fall back on when I am tempted.
By the way, read carefully what NachoYoho says on Dustin's blog. His worldview is far outside mine or yours, and attempting to decode it from your own perspective will not give you the proper understanding of what he says. He is extremely secular and liberal. When he says "sickness" read "morally wrong and harmful to people." I don't say this to attack him, but so you might understand better how to respond to him.
Stay strong.
Jared
Allow me to further expound a little bit on attraction to the opposite sex. I hope this provides a little encouragement and resonates with you in a positive way.
I feel a sense of attraction to different women. Men are visual creatures in general. So when I see a woman I find attractive, I do feel somewhat excited by it. It is far less than it used to be now that I have not been into pornography for many years. Some days it is stronger than others. It is increased when my wife and I are on the outs about something, but it is not increased because I choose it to be. There are subconscious forces that play into that. But, just because I feel excited by it doesn't mean that I want it, that it is welcome, or that I would like to respond to it. It means none of those. If my wife is with me, I always look back to her when I get these feelings because it reminds me of the great gift that I have in her. When I look at her and feel the attraction, it makes me feel good, happy, exhilirated, and a million other things. When I see her and feel that attraction, I respond to it, encourage it, nurture it, and foster it. This happens slowly but surely during the healing process. As I said before, stay strong.
Thank you.
It is really nice to know that there are people who understand what I am going through and want to help even though they don't know me.
The internet is a horrible and wonderful thing.
:)
I was just talking to Te today because he had mentioned downloading some program so I can monitor his computer. Turns out it's Spectorsoft.
He should have it ready to set up today when he gets home.
Thanks for the recommendation. :)
Just don't let the computer program be the babysitter. After my wife installed programs to watch my behavior, I was still able to be sneaky enough to get away with it.
Keep them eyes open!
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